The Stages of Grief

The Kubler-Ross model of grief describes it in five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages aren't necessarily experienced chronologically, but I can say that I have experienced all of them. And all of them more than once. They aren't distinct states, exclusive of each other either, they meld together and are often intertwined. I think that there is a common idea, as well that grief takes one year and that once that magic one year mark passed, the grieving is over and it is time to move on. I can tell you that one year is not a magic mark. No lights went on and I did not suddenly feel better. If anything, I am feeling worse these days than I had recently.

Today I found myself in the bargaining phase again...a phase that I have always been uncomfortable with and one that I never believed that I would actually experience. I always that it was strange to try to change things by promising to do something or not do something. But, tonight I found myself saying that I would do anything to have my husband back. It was bargaining at my best--but of course there is no sense in that. And when I realize that I fall into the despair of hopelessness again. Perhaps that is the depression stage beginning anew.